Exactly where I want to be...

My dear sweet Ezra... today he would not go down for his nap. He has always struggled with sleep. I have been trying to get him to lay down by himself for naps, but haven't much success. So after an hour or more of him getting out of bed, playing, changing clothes, asking for water, etc. I decided screw it... I will lay down with him and get him to sleep. I tuck him in (for the millionth time!) lay down, and turn my head to try and limit the interaction. Ya know, cause thats what the books tell you to do! Ha! Instead, he gets close to me, leans over and say with his sweet yet serious voice. "Mom." Really, it warms my heart. There was a time not that long ago in the midst of PPD that it would frustrate me into a bit of rage while I threatened and yelled at him that he better get in bed! Now, I am happy to report that I was able to roll over and say, "what baby?" and he reaches towards me to give me a kiss. A moment I could have lost if I would have let my anger and frustration get the best of me. He layed his head down and relaxed his body and soon was soundly asleep. I lay there thinking... this is exactly where I want to be. This is my purpose. Really it is. Sure it would be nice to get dressed for work, interact with adults, have a lunch break to myself - even pee by myself, have a little more money in the bank... but none of it really matters. Being home with my boys is such an awesome gift. I really appreciate the fact that Robert supports me in this and has been willing to make all the sacrifices that it has taken for me to stay home. We won't be going on any grand vacations, or buying a new car, or wearing the best clothes - heck at this point the Sunday paper, cable and a home phone have even become luxuries we have chosen to live without. In the end... I really don't care about those things. I am proud that I have chosen this life. I know that being a mom is my purpose in life... and really I am ok with that. I have struggled for years trying to decide what I want to do when I grow up - well, the reason I can't decide is because I just don't have a passion for anything besides motherhood. Like most things in life there are good parts and bad parts... motherhood has been the most challenging experience in my life, but I am happy to report that even those struggles I have started to appreciate. Why? Because it is all apart of the process. This is what I wanted. The late night feedings, the bickering, the messy eating... I should be so lucky to have these "challenges." There are women in this world that would give anything to experience these challenges... they pray night after to night to have these experiences. I have been blessed with two beautiful, at times out of control boys and I love every minute of it. Honest I do... even when I am complaining, as that too is part of the "process!" For today, I have learned to relax, listen to my children, while also listening to my heart... instead of always fighting it, I am embracing it. Again, this is exactly where I want to be, and it feels great.