Van Halen - Right Now (Music Video) HD

This is the song that does it for me. That pushes me when I am running.

It gives me that feeling of empowerment. That I am strong and powerful.

That my body is totally capable of doing this.

That I have to keep going. Right now. C'mon turn this thing around.

There was a time many years ago where my internal dialogue was abusive and hateful. I thought it was good motivation. I was wrong.

Seriously, my old mantra to myself was "keep going. you are disgusting and fat."

Now... it is "you are strong and powerful. you can do this."

Much better, don't you think?

Reading the book, "Woman, Food and God" by Geneen Roth has changed my way of thinking. It has taken me to a new understanding... what if I am good enough just as I am? Maybe I should stop trying to "fix" myself... maybe I really am not "broken."

I have been dieting since I was in the 5th grade. Honestly. It was my first trip to weight watchers. Size 6 to 28, I have never in my life been content with my body. I just don't know what that feels like. Well, except for one time. But it wasn't in this reality... I was in a guided meditation (attending a Sylvia Browne event). My BFF Melissa asked me to go with her. I said sure... why not? What I didn't realize was that it was one of the most powerful and life changing events in MY life. A quick and easy description of the event...

Sylvia guides you to your "place." You picture yourself there...seeing myself brought tears to my eyes. For the VERY FIRST TIME in my life I saw myself as beautiful. I wasn't thin, I wasn't fat... I was just me. Standing in a peaceful meadow. Wearing a clean crisp white summer dress. My long hair blowing in the wind. I instantly had a feeling that was totally foreign to me. I didn't think about it. I just felt it.

I was at peace. At peace with myself. A feeling of being totally content. Everything was perfect just as it was... it was so amazing and wonderful.

I hope that one day I can experience that feeling again... but in my daily reality.